Cultivating Personal Independence

I have been dealing with my own internal fear for the past decade. I have chosen to suffer while evils are sufferable. I didn't realize it at first but, all of a sudden, today it is crystal clear to me. Over the past 10 years (or so) I have been afraid to do what normal people are afraid to do; change jobs, divorce, support myself, change careers, move (not necessarily in that order). Those are the big ones. I realize today that the people who have fought for independence first obtained independence for themselves. They first had to free themselves from internal thoughts that held them down. They liberated themselves from people that held them back from their dream. They chose to engage people in a mindful and peaceful manner.


These are some people that have impacted the world in a positive way; Martin Luther King, John Lennon, Mahatma Ghandi, Nelson Mandela, Albert Einstein, Winston Churchill, Sir Isaac Newton, Mother Teresa, John F. Kennedy, Mozart, Rosa Parks, the 14th Dalai Lama, Swami Vivekananda (and more)... One thing all of these people had in common was the courage to take a look at themselves first and cultivate the peace within. They chose independent thought and cultivated the mindfulness to share that thought in peaceful methods. Had these people chose a more violent path their result would have been much different... don't you think?


I choose to make today a monumental day. I choose to make today the day I choose my internal freedom. I have been afraid of putting myself "out there," opening up and showing more people who I am. I have lived most of my life trying to live up to others expectations. I have been afraid I will let someone down. I have lived to please others first and myself last. I have been afraid my actions won't be good enough. I have lived to serve others in a way that didn't serve me. Today I choose to honor myself by unapologetically, and quietly, following my heart.


This does not mean that I choose to be completely self centered and leave all other responsibilities behind. Noooo, quite the opposite! This means that I make a firm commitment to my chosen obligations. That I hold the integrity and responsibility of my words and actions. This means that I choose to lead with my heart and be fully in the present moment. To honor my goals, my path, where I envision myself in 3, 5, 10 years and fully commit no matter what others may say to me. To be fully in the moment and lead from my heart when I parent, when I interact with clients, when I teach, when I am with those I love. To choose empathy and compassion over aggression yet set firm boundaries that honor me and my loved ones. Then forgive myself when I react unskillfully - because I know that will happen... I'm human for goodness sake!


Today I show my gratitude by celebrating our freedom of speech, our individuality, and the love and respect that we have for our independent-selves. If you haven't already, choose to commit to your dreams, hopes and goals today. Also, choose to listen to someone else's dreams, hopes and goals today. Hold the space for greatness to illuminate all of our lives. There is no better time than the present! 

Non-violence which is a quality of the heart, cannot come by an appeal to the brain.

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

Freedom and slavery are mental states.

Hatred can be overcome only by love.

There is no path to peace. Peace is the path.

Each one has to find his peace from within.

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

Whenever you are confronted with an opponent, conquer him with love.

My greatest weapon is mute prayer.

~ Mahatma Gandhi

With much LOVE and PEACE ~ Namaste

Overcoming Difficulties

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined!

~ Henry David Thoreau

Stepping into the life of your dreams can be scary especially if you are starting from ground zero. There are a lot of people in the world in this situation today. They are looking for jobs, finding jobs and leaving jobs. During this time, having faith that all will turn out even better than one could possibly imagine is challenging, especially when your situation gets rough. This is usually the time when I dive into yoga. I hit my mat and start to work things out there. Yet, I always seem to find a pose... or five... that I struggle with during these life challenges.


Things always get worse before they get better... ever hear that expression? Sometimes the Universe pushes us in the optimal direction... whether we like it or not. It takes us out of our comfort zone so we can rely on our faith to pull us into that next level of life. Ever have a yoga teacher encourage you into a pose that you've never tried? That teacher is encouraging you into the next level of your practice, and one day it just clicks!


For example; My daughters fish tank was in need of a serious cleaning. We weren't too sure if there were any fish still alive in the small, bubbling tank until (peeking through the algae) we saw movement!! "THEY'RE ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!!" she shouted like Dr. Frankenstein. I'm not proud of the condition of the tank but, hey, life happens and some things fall low on the priority list. It happens to the best of us humans. But, I digress.


In order to clean the tank I needed to transfer the fish into another container. All I had was a huge glass hurricane (candle holder)... I figured that would work for however long it would take me to clean the tank. Good idea... Until the cats saw something moving in the glass container. Yes, I said cats, plural... more than one... two to be exact... cats. This is what happened...

Remind you of a saying? Yeah! Things always seem to get worse before they get better!! I would not want to be in the position of those fish! However, this is a perfect example of how things got a little out of control (tank not clean) and needed to be corrected. Hence things became worse for the fish before it got better. Remember when you tried yoga for the first time? Were you looking around the room wondering if you were doing the pose correctly? Were you a little out of your comfort zone? Then... remember the day your body told you, "I've got this. You relax."


By the way, the fish were safe and only in this container for a bit. No harm was done to the fish in the cleaning of the tank. And... the fish are VERY happy in their clean home.

"Any circumstance you find yourself in is only temporary and can change in an instant. Your attitude and state of mind is the steering wheel of your life, what you think about and project into a situation intensifies and eventually manifests in real life. Meet every circumstance with a positive outlook and when setbacks come - hold the course. The dawn will break!"

~ Jackson Kiddard

We all go through bouts of difficult situations in our lives. Some go through more difficult situations than others but the point is not to compare, judge or contrast the level of difficulty of the situation like an Olympic Dive. Life is not the Triple Lindy for everyone. Life is what you make of it. If you perceive your life as full of challenges then challenges and tough situations will find you. We attract what we think and believe, and if a person believes that his/her life is difficult it will be. Our level of perception, like the picture above looks like a mirror image of one cat but it is actually two, is up to us. The choice of thoughts on whether a situation is bad or good is also our choice.

Now apply the following to yourself:

You are simply the best. You completely blow my mind. Everyone is in total awe. How you hold together under pressure. How you face up to your challenges. And your rebound ability totally rocks.

You are driven, persistent and strong. Playful, silly, fun... Compassionate, sympathetic and understanding. You are just plain unstoppable. And you always have time for others. What a package!

... So ...

How about cutting yourself some slack every now and then?

Yes, feel free to have a Stewart Smalley moment then let's get back to business. The business of knowing our own worth and when bad things happen it allows us the opportunity to change our thoughts. Instead of the situation happening "to" us I like to think it happens "for" us. For us to learn, to grow, to move on from a situation that was holding us back from being the best we could possibly be. There are so many things for us to learn in this life... my hope is that I learn quickly from my mistakes and life circumstances and that I honor and am grateful for how far I have come and to those that have helped me get here.

... and doggone it... people like me.

Peace and Love to all

From Fear to Love

"Whatever you regularly and frequently think about becomes the inclination of the mind." ~ Buddha

It's not a secret... I am single and I am looking. Valentines Day is always a pleasure for single people (insert sarcasm here). Women are anticipating and expecting something from their Boyfriend or Husband/Fiance. But what happens when you are single? I've never been asked out on a date for Valentines Day. Now, I am not a professional single person and there's a possibility that actually happens... just not in my experience. Then a friend of mine sent out a Newsletter with the message "Date Yourself". Honestly... brilliant!!!


For the past year I've had the attitude that if no one wants to take me out I'll take myself out. I'll go to a movie I want to see or make a special dinner for myself by candle light. There's no shame in having a nice meal and a glass of wine for yourself. But when I tell people I have done this for myself I receive looks like I'm crazy accompanied with and exasperated, "You DO?!?!?"


No, I'm not crazy, weird or off my rocker. I'm not a fork short of a set in the silver drawer. I choose to treat myself as I would want to have someone treat me.


Today I realized that I had stopped doing that for myself and I caught myself in a massive place of lack within multiple areas of my life. I am stuck. I was listening to a Dharma Talk by Gil Fronsdal and he suggested to pay attention to your thoughts while you are brushing your teeth. What is going through your mind in the most mundane and mindless task you perform during the day. I am often thinking about my schedule, to do list, laundry, grocery, schedule (again), bills, job, class, themes for class, how many people will be in class......... on and on. It struck me that not one of these things was a positive, loving, kind, compassionate thought. Often my daughter runs into my room crying about her hair saying that, "It's not doing what I want it to do!" Like her hair is purposefully not obeying, is out to get her and ruin her life. I realize that this sounds full of drama... and it is... she's seven and seven year old girls are like that sometimes. I remember one time I asked her to ask her hair, "Hair, what do YOU want to do today?" Then brush it all back and wait for your hair to move into it's place. Now, this works if your little girl has long hair, and long hair can be placed in a pony tail as a quick fix. This particular time it worked. She was amazed and, of course I walked away (all-knowing-like) saying, "See what happens when you treat your hair nice?"


So why don't we treat ourselves nicer? Kinder? More gently? I am incredibly hard on myself. I realized today that after almost four months of being laid off and completely starting over in a new career I am expecting myself to be rocking it financially - and this isn't necessarily a conscious thought! But, it is prevalent enough that I am thinking about finances all the time! If I take a look back and see what I have accomplished it is great - I'm doing great! But, when I compare what I am making now to what I was making financially before...... yea..........


Now I have a choice - go back and do what I was doing before or continue on this path. If I go back and do what I had done for 10 plus years prior to this moment I would be working to work and pay bills... not working to live or have fun or have a life or work because I love it. I would be miserable. If I stay on this path I may be broke... but I will be happy with the ability to positively effect a lot of people's lives. This is the part of the story where I ask, "Would you rather be broke and happy or wealthy and miserable." This is also the part of the story where people usually hmmmm and haaaawww because success equals financial wealth to most people. I'd like to turn that around and have success mean personal wealth in relationships and loving your work.


Sounds good.... doesn't it? Honestly, this scares the crap out of me. My family taught me that in order to be successful you needed to be financially wealthy, work hard and hate what you do. I never saw my Dad pop through the door after work saying what a great day he had. He was miserable, wanted to eat and have his quiet time watching the news. My brother and I would tip-toe around the house so we wouldn't bother him during as he re-entered the world. This is a mindset I need to get over!! These are the miscellaneous thoughts that are going through my mind as I'm brushing my teeth. My deepest fears going through my mind. Applying loving kindness to these thoughts would certainly help and reduce my fear!!


Here's the big question; Can you expand your capacity for love and kindness? I have found this relatively easy to do for other people but not as successfully for myself. My new challenge is to take these thoughts of kindness and apply them to myself. Of course I'm still going to challenge myself (hence this blog) but can I be tender in my thoughts to myself during this time? Can I apply a gentleness to my thoughts and give myself a break? I am willing... It's a work in progress.

Why I love Yoga

There is a saying that I have heard Yoga Instructors use to open up the spirit, heart and mind of the students... it is simply "How Wonderful."

Breathe in... lift your arms out wide and your shoulders up... fill your lungs completely... bring a smile to your face and as you exhale melt and say "How Wonderful."

This is opening to grace. Creating the space in the body for wonderful things to happen. When the body opens up our mind opens and our spirit can shine. Practicing yoga, to me, isn't just a series of postures on my mat at home, studio or a gym. Yoga is what I learn from those postures and what I take with me as I walk out into the world. It allows me to be steadfast in my values and beliefs and shields me from the hurricanes that pass me on the outside.

There is a style of yoga that I practice and love called Anusara. This style of yoga has five Universal Principles. Three of which are (1) Open to Grace, (2) Muscular Energy and (3) Organic Expansion. Utilizing these three principles together are how I've survived a divorce, a major move, the sudden loss of my father and being laid off from my job within 3 years.

In this style of yoga allowing yourself to open to possibilities is the first step. Without preconceived notions, expectations of a specified result and openness to the Divine anything can happen. But, the work still needs to be done... and this is where Muscular Energy comes into play.

With muscular energy we are steadfast. We use muscles we never realized we had to lengthen, deepen and widen our poses. This energy can change the way a person walks, stands and talks. With muscular energy we stay true to what we value. Those compassionate beliefs that are at the core of our heart. We stand true in these beliefs and nothing that happens outside can rock us. But too much muscular energy and the pose becomes rigid... the flexibility to open up to new ideas, concepts or poses becomes more difficult. Enter Organic Expansion.

With Organic Expansion the steadfastness of the pose doesn't change. The foundation has been built but the time has come to soften the edges. This happens within the calm and serenity of the breath. This is where the spirit shines out from the core. The more stable the core the greater the shine.

These three lessons are what I take with me from class... daily and sometimes twice a day... no matter what style of yoga class I take. Keeping with me the openness to accept possibility, strength in my foundation and belief in my connection to the Divine and ability to unapologetically shine out. When there are rumors, issues, and problems that could potentially shake foundations I breathe and remember the strength in my values and my connection to the Divine. I renew my focus and take another step forward choosing to believe what I know to be true in my heart instead of conjecture. Those things that happen outside of me are exactly that... outside of me and out of my control. Yoga teaches me to become more flexible to potential outside influences that may effect me and keeps me rooted in the present moment... focused on my breath... and the actions necessary for me to achieve my goals.

... How Wonderful ...

I have an unwavering conviction to this style of yoga that has taught me more about life, my crooked body and how to be with my mile-a-minute mind. It is in my heart and part of my soul. It is here where I feel at home. The concepts, alignments, language and foundation that this style delivers is not for everyone. However, in this style, those that stay rooted in their convictions will continue to shine and teach others how to tap into their inner light. They will continue to be of service in the midst of any storm. It is the people... the Kula... the community with this strength that I know I can count on to get me through anything.

THIS is why I love yoga.