Let it rain

The following blog entry is completely inspired by the song "Rain" by Creed in their new album "Full Circle".

I am very influenced by music. My family is extremely musical and I've been exposed to every genre of music in existence since before I was born. Both of my parents were music majors at Indiana University and my mother taught piano and flute lessons as I was growing up. I was listening to music the other day and one of my favorite songs came on. As I listened to the lyrics I made the connection of how they link to events in my life over the recent past, and especialy how I've been feeling over the last week.


So, I'm sitting in my car, listening to the lyrics;

"Can you help me out? Can you lend me a hand?

It's safe to say that I'm stuck again

Trapped between this life and the light

I just can't figure out how to make it right..."

A thought shot through my mind ike a bolt of lightning; I realize that I have been stuck in this in-between place of understanding the journey and, yet, not achieving a feeling that I know how to make this process right. I've been blessed to have avenues of support as one situation after another pops up in-front of me. Like one of those Cowboy games that pop up villians in windows and along the streets where the objective is to shoot at them before they get you!

"... I tried to figure out
I can understand what it means to be whole again
Trapped between the truth and the consequence
Nothing's real, nothing's making sense..."

As the situations seem to go from odd... to odder... to completely Twighlight Zone... I continue to focus on the present moment. I understand that I have everything that I need to thrive. I know that I am surrounded by love. I understand what it means to be whole again. In this moment nothing is wrong, there are no problems. In this moment all is well and completely sane. I remind myself that I can handle everything happening in this moment and this too shall pass.

"... A thousand times before

I've wondered if there's something more, something more

I feel it's gonna rain lie this for days

So let it rain down and wash everything away

I hope that tomorrow the sun will shine

I feel it's gonna rain for days and day, I feel it's gonna rain..."

Notwithstanding any cliche references involving weather, there are various levels of storms that we must pass through in our lives to get to the sun. There are moments of sunshine in-between storms. My favorite is when there's rain while the sun is shining. I need the rain so I can grow, so I can learn from the current events and become aware of actions and reactions. I may not gain full understanding but I know that when the rain stops all of the crud will be washed away (kinda' like the salt that is currently covering my car).

"... Fall down, wash away my yesterdays

Fall down, so let the rain fall down on me..."

Noticing what I am Noticing

Awareness is an interesting thing... As I continue in my practice I increase the awareness of how things are settling into my body. January has been incredibly stressful at work. The work days have been long and full of intensity, the situations have needed a lot of practicing ahimsa (do no harm). Indeed, I have also been practicing selflessness in my actions at work - asking questions and suggesting changes for the greater good. This has been the majority of my practice in January.

What I am noticing, as my asana practice becomes sacred space and my meditation is integrated into my daily routine, is that I am becoming more aware. I am noticing shifts of perception that are happening in seconds now that, in the past, would take days or weeks. When I started this journey I was blissfully oblivious to what was going on around and within me. I didn't feel anything unless it was extreme. For example; for me to qualify as "being sick" I needed to have a fever and be completely unable to move. However, now, I am sensing the signs leading to illness and able to take appropriate preventative action - rest!

Now, here's the interesting part. I was the recipient of information a couple of days ago that would, in the past, set off a chain reaction of events driven by past conditioning - fear, self doubt, anger. Today, during a meeting, I noticed myself drifting from intense concentration on the conversation... then immediately into nothingness... then I found my thoughts focused on the personal situation. I noticed this shifting of thoughts and had an experience of "WOAH... what just happened!"

Noticing this enabled me to make a choice: I could refocus or continue into la-la-land. All kidding aside, I was able to quickly recognize the issue and re-focus my attention and concentration for the remainder of the meeting. Then, after the meeting, something important happened... I gave myself the gift of space to honestly feel what I was feeling and not judge but accept that it is what it is. Again... noticing what I am noticing here. I'm being honest with my feelings and not judging them as good or bad but accepting them at the point in time.

I am awed...

I Do Not Create Problems For Myself

My first introduction to Eckhart Tolle was when Oprah started the sessions for "A New Earth." I read the book, I followed the series, but it didn't really hit home. The concepts made sense and I understood the words but the meaning didn't take hold until later in the same year.


As I was listening to a Podcast of a show one night and I remember Oprah asking him, "... you don't have any issues? You don't have any problems? Not a one?" Eckhart's response was, "(pause)... I do not create any problems for myself." Ever since that night, his response has stuck with me. How do you do that? What is the process in which you do not create any problems for yourself?


There are so many ways that we create problems for ourselves. The trap that I find myself falling into is wanting things to be different than they are. Interestingly enough this is one of the things that my employers have valued about me. This way of thinking has been praised and fostered through years of post-graduate employment. Man, does this get me into trouble in my personal life. Exasperating the problem-generator is my tenacity to find a solution... looking at every angle... the thought that there has to be a way.


After I read "A New Earth" I picked up "The Power of Now." At the same time I was going through Yoga Teacher Training and learning the Eight Limbs of Yoga. The underlying concept of each is being in this moment... HERE... NOW... and dealing with the situation with basic principles of conduct; the first of which is Do No Harm.


When I start to solve a problem, it is important to understand and accept the present situation. Once the problem is identified, the search for a better or different way begins. This is a good life skill to have. However, balance is necessary to not generate any problems while attempting to solve the first one.


In my work environment I have figured out that I can cultivate this skill without a problem as long as I do not attach myself to an end result. In my personal life I need to apply the same balance. Between wanting things to be different than they are then attaching to an end result the only outcome can be problems... and many of them. They multiply!!


In my personal life accepting what is remains the key. Recently I have been wanting to change a situation. It involved schedules and location - neither of which were working out for my end goal. My end goal, by the way, which I had become completely attached. My tenacity kicked in... I was going to make this work! I problem solved the heck out of the situation. I analyzed it, turned it inside out, shoved it upside down, took it apart and put it back together again. I even attempted to talk it to death. Unfortunately the end result remained the same.


This created a problem for me. I generated it, fostered it, breathed life into it... a living, breathing problem. It finally exploded when, exasperated, I realized that it just wasn't going to work. Nothing that I could do, think, or will into place would make the situation any different than it was. The vision that I had created in my mind was not going to happen. Simply, I had failed... and generated a very large, oozing, problem along with the failure.


Lesson learned: accept the present moment as it is and be grateful for it. This moment comes around only once - take it in. There are NO problems in the present moment. There is nothing to solve, nothing to fix, nothing to change. The present moment is perfect.


Eckhart does not create problems for himself because he cultivates his practice of being in the moment. Within the moment he applies the appropriate principle. With every thought, word, and action he applies the appropriate principle. He does not want for anything different and knows that he already has what he needs to be successful.


So, what do I need to do now? Apply the principle of forgiveness... to myself. Accept the moment and situation as it is. Then let my "failure" go. We must fail many times over before we finally succeed... and what I really need to realize is... I am already successful!! What I wanted in the first place... I already had!

I Want What You Have

The following post is inspired by an excerpt from "Meditations from the Mat" by Rolf Gates and Katrina Kenison. 

Back in 2008 I picked up Rolfs' book and started reading it. By March of the next year I was engaged in his Yoga Teacher Training.


Interesting how the universe puts things in-front of you before they happen. Even more interesting is that we don't necessarily realize it. It takes being in tune with a Higher Power to start to become aware. So, this morning, I picked up Rolf's book again, asking for a message; "What do I need to know today?"


Day 58: 
"All that I want for you, my son, is to be satisfied. And be a simple kind of man, someone you can love and understand..." Lynyrd Skynyrd


At the end of this entry there is the most beautiful paragraph ever:

"On the mat I have learned no to live too fast. Troubles have come and they have passed. I found a woman and I found love. And I try never to forget that there is something up above. I've learned not to lust, and to believe that what I need is in my soul. I follow my heart and nothing else. I've become a simple man who I can love and understand. I am satisfied."

THAT'S what I want.......... and I have faith that I am on my way.


At the end of the Yoga Teacher Training course, during graduation, one of the students wrapped up his experience by saying to Rolf, "I want what you have..."


Rolf's response was simply, "I want what YOU have." So, not only is he satisfied, but humble too. Going further, he also recognizes qualities in others that he wants to cultivate. There is so much to learn on this simple path.

Getting Yourself Out of Your Way

This picture was taken by my beautiful friend Kellie Wilson this past weekend in the Chicago area. The ice crystals hanging on the tree was from the fog that morning. Her gift is my joy to share. This tree resembles the Three of Life and is a perfect picture and metaphor for this blog post. Thank you Kellie!

How many times have "we" - the collective "we" - been inspired to begin something just to have it fizzle out over time? The start of a new year is filled with aspiration, hope, and what we call "New Year Resolutions." The majority of us resolve to lose weight, get healthy, stop smoking, exercise more... whatever the goal is.


We start off with a BANG! If our thing is running, we start out with a great 3 mile run that makes us so sore we can barely move our body the next day (or, even worse, that afternoon). Ever notice how full the gym is the first two weeks of January? There's an act of God if a treadmill or elliptical machine is available when you walk in the door! By February the treadmills become more available. And, if we are still sticking with the exercise program we began with in March, there's an issue finding an open treadmill only every once-n-a-while. By the time May rolls around no one is in the gym.


We are so inspired at the start of a project or goal that we literally will ourselves to do it. Some people go to the point of spreadsheets, charts, and other mechanisms to assist us in showing our progress to our end goal. Honestly....... this has never worked for me. Usually by the second week of January there is something that has "come up" to get in the way of achieving my end result. Life has effectively gotten in the way. Some way, some how, it has snuck in and something else has taken priority. Before I know it... I've missed three or four workouts and I'm off of the wagon.


I've noticed that I have willed myself into a lot of life. I've willed myself to complete my homework, eat brussel sprouts, try escargot - by the way, not my favorite but I've heard many people like the dish. I've willed myself through relationships that weren't healthy. I have willed myself into diets, exercise routines... clothes. None of this made me feel any better, solved my problems, or really "worked" for me. Something else would always take priority over the goal. I've effectively gotten into my own way.


So the solution must be to change our habit... right? I could go into the psychology of changing a habit and how many times an action needs to be done in order for the habit to change... blah blah blah. Again, honestly, it's not about what we DO. We DO a lot. What we need to DO is stop.


Yes... I said STOP. Stop and figure out what we really need to fix... which is how we are BEING.


I've used the "I don't have time" excuse... as if there were a limited amount of it. What I have realized is that there is an abundance of this thing called "time"... we need to find our way of capturing it. This is different for each individual. We can make more time for ourselves by the way we are being... not in what we are doing.


So, this year I have made the decision to take small steps to achieve my goal without a timetable. I've made the decision to get out of my own way. Which is a good thing because I have a big goal... a really big goal... it may take many years to accomplish. My whole heart is focused on this goal. I don't see this goal as a vision or an image in my mind, it does not have a color or a shape or take place in a specific location... it is how I feel and how I am being, everything else will fall into place as it should. Every day I move forward with faith. As long as I focus on this, and take action from the heart, I am well on my way to achieving my goal.


Peace, Joy, and Love to all Beings... on this journey called Life.

My Prayer for 2010

I have a calendar from 2009 that has quotes from the Dalai Lama. The last quote of the year is as follows:

May I become at all times, both now and forever

A protector for those without protection

A guide for those have lost their way

A ship for those with oceans to cross

A bridge for those with rivers to cross

A sanctuary for those in danger

A lamp for those without light

A place of refuge for those who lack shelter

And a servant to all in need.

All of us, at one time or another - in the now or future - has needed someone to be one of those "things" above. I have needed many people over the past three years to be those "things" for me. I am so grateful for those friends who have become my guides, protectors and bridges. I am grateful for those strangers that have become my lamp, refuge, and ship. I am blessed to have people in my life that continue to be servants to all those they come in contact with that are in need.

My wish for 2010 is that we all realize that each person we encounter, whether in passing or engaging in a conversation, is a person in need. I have hope for human compassion, kindness, and love. In 2010, I believe we will all find these things in people we know... and we don't. I pray that I am aware when I am in need and someone provides. Most of all, I pray that I can be of service and provide when others are facing uncertainty and loss. What comes around goes around - I'm sending compassion, kindness, and love out into the world this New Year's Day... and also to myself.

I wish you and yours a very blessed 2010!