Hello... my name is Kim and I'm an instant gratification addict. Really, I am addicted to the production of instant results! I also think I was raised to expect instant gratification. In school I was expected to get the answer to the question and/or problem correct as quickly as possible. In sports I was expected to excel and move up as quickly as possible. At work I'm expected to turn deliverables around on a dime and progress up the corporate ladder in a given timeframe. I read about diets that claim I can lose 20 pounds in 20 days... REALLY???
You know what I'm learning? Instant gratification doesn't work for LIFE. You gotta' learn this shit (sorry) the hard way... and guess what... it takes time. This time thing is driving me nuts. No, literally, it's making me crazy. I want this to go faster... like... be done yesterday. That expectation is nuts!
I've learned a lot about myself over the past couple years but this instant gratification "ah-ha" is new. Not that my perfectionist tendencies weren't apparent, but understanding where they stem from is an interesting exercise in self-inspection. Gut check time! How strong does a person need to be, in the American culture, to take a long, hard look internally and call bullshit (again, sorry) on yourself?
A couple of tricks to learn before attempting this... something called "Non-Attachment" is a good thing to learn. Detaching from a result, an expectation, an outcome and allowing what will be to arise and take shape on it's own without force or attempting to control. That's my own small definition and this is one of the hardest concepts I've attempted to learn.
Another great tool... or trick... to have under your belt is TIME. Yes, time. It's not going anywhere - it's been around for years. Knowing that there is time to make a decision, or time to think, or time to respond has created a sense that I can be in the moment and allow myself to relax. The problem with being an instant gratification addict is the sense that there isn't time, it must happen/be done now... NOW!
Both of these tricks/tools come to one point; mindful consideration. There are extremes, for example, sitting on your hands and not making a decision... and/or completely detaching from a situation and not taking ownership could be incredibly harmful - in multiple ways. Therefore, employing mindful, or thoughtful, consideration to the situation at that moment, and allowing the time for mindful consideration to happen, is an important skill to cultivate.
I know many people either heading into a divorce, or in the process of getting a divorce, or divorced for a while. Being recently divorced I don't fall into one of the previous categories. But instead, this limbo category where the act is done and gone, yet the "new life" hasn't fully taken off. This instant gratification junkie expected the results of a Porsche (0 to 60 in a couple of seconds) and, instead, I feel I'm stuck in a rusted out Pinto (I'm not going to even attempt a comparison). There are steps forward and back in this process... sometimes even sideways. Remember when you had to learn square dancing in Gym class? I feel like I'm starting a new dance that I haven't been coached on yet... and I'm waiting for the calls that I know; Bow to your partner, bow to your corner... Do-sa-do Your Partner... and I couldn't wait for "Promenade!".
Instant gratification girl would like to know what plays the coach is going to call... let me study... give me a clue... I want a cheat sheet... COME ON - THROW ME A BONE!!! But, the joke is on me, because that's not how this thing called LIFE works. It throws you curves, it makes you jump to the side, and sometimes it has you square dancing with the guy (or girl) that you'd rather not hold hands with. But in the end, a lesson is learned. And, hopefully, you know a little more about yourself as a result.
One of my friends has a catchy quote that always makes me stop and think, "May you pass every test." Life is many tests strung together. The trick is becoming aware of the pattern - of MY patterns. I've also heard that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Becoming aware of my patterns... and attempting to stop the knee-jerk reaction is the practice that takes time, and courage, and patience, oh... did I mention forgiveness and compassion? I've even started to let go of some of my perfectionist tendencies (I know... shock). But to break the cycle of insanity I need to start somewhere.
Instant gratification girl is still alive and kicking in the back of my mind... and I keep looking for that piece of mental-duck-tape.
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